Rainy Day Writing

Yesterday’s deluge was the perfect white noise  for hunkering down on my porch and getting into the writing zone. After a long day on both of our computers, Constance and I gave the keyboards a rest and re-read some of the work we’re doing on the book. She laughed (out loud) at this tennis court scene, so I’m sharing. We’ve all  been on the other side of that net.

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You know that automatic ball machine on the tennis court? That’s how my life felt. And the yellow balls keep firing from the chute, blinding and blistering. And some are lobs, and some drop shots, and some smack me in the head. And they keep coming. And dammit, I’m wearing flip-flops and all I’ve got is the wooden Chris Evert racquet I had in eighth grade.

Pat took a deep breath, like a patient guide setting out on a long journey over terrain she’d covered many times before. With nowhere else to turn, I’d surrendered to her. Even though I couldn’t read her map yet, I would have followed her anywhere. And in the weeks to come, Pat’s office would become the safest place I knew.

Probably because Pat was in it.

Onsite Workshops, Living Centered Program

I had the glass waiting room all to myself. But not for long. As weary travelers drifted through the door into my space, I checked them out, one by one, trying to figure out who might be booked on my shuttle. Three women, filing in separately, wheeled their bags into various corners and sat quietly, not exchanging glances. I would spend the next six days with all three, bringing our lives back to center.

From the Nashville airport, I wasn’t bee-lining for the Grand Ole Opry, but to a Living Centered Program called Onsite Workshops, in Cumberland Furnace, Tennessee. I was both relieved to have two hours before relinquishing my phone and computer for the week, and flat-out anxious about unplugging.

I spotted the Onsite shuttle pulling up to the curb. That was the cue to reveal myself. Gathering my belongings, I made my way to the van, along with the three female suspects. Handing Shamu (what my husband calls my bulky, more-appropriate-for-a-college-student, roller duffle) to the driver, I took a back row seat, wiggling in between a tall, handsome man and a petite woman with the face of an angel.

After exchanging pleasantries, I pulled my phone out –  nervous – and checked texts and emails. As we drove an hour through the rolling countryside, I felt the weight of apprehension. At last, the shuttle crunched up the long driveway to a stately Victorian house, greeted by a four dog welcoming committee. With sweaty fingers, I sent my husband a quick text that I’d arrived safely and would call him in a week.

“The Living Centered Program is Onsite’s core program. It’s designed to help you bring your life back to center. Often life events, relationships, trauma, distorted or compulsive behaviors in yourself and those you love, depression, anxiety, codependency or the stresses of daily living can keep you from the peace and balance you desire. LCP has, at its foundation, an experiential group process supplemented by education and action for change. The first days of the program focus on the importance of knowing yourself, how you have become blocked from being all you can be, how you may avoid looking at yourself and how the sum of your past experiences may be affecting you today.”

After dinner, Bill Lokey, Onsite’s Clinical Director welcomed us. “This week is about you. You’re here to do individual work in a group setting. This is not about measured results. Its about our leaders sharing a broader perspective and giving you more tools to do your  work. What each of you takes away is going to be very different. We’re here to walk the walk with you because we’ve all done it ourselves. While some of you may be dealing with overwhelming life issues, others have come to get in touch with your own hearts. Onsite isn’t a faith based program, but many who attend are seeking a higher level of spirituality. Its truly open to anyone who wishes to grow.”

Every day, every meditation, every lecture, every small group session, every delicious meal, every action-packed evening activity were filled with ah ha moments. Some participants say that six days at Onsite is the equivalent of 8-12 months of therapy. It’s difficult to quantify enlightenment, but that sounds about right to me.

My week at Onsite was, without question, transformative. Our group of forty strong had traveled a great distance since opening night. We came with vastly different stories but at the end of the day, we realized our basic human needs: to be heard, to be held, to be comforted, to feel safe, to be validated and to be loved.

I was ready to get back to my life. My new friends would go back there with me in my heart.

Trust the Process.

www.onsiteworkshops.com

 

 

 

 

 

Mothering Addiction: When Your Child’s an Addict, No One Brings You a Casserole

A query letter is a single page (and no more!) cover letter presenting a writer and their book to an agent. Constance and I are just about ready to press send on our first one. Below is the first of three required questions. We’d love some feedback.

What is your book about ?
Part girlfriend’s-guide, part wise companion, Mothering Addiction: When Your Child’s an Addict, No One Brings You a Casserole  illuminates the invisible casualties of addiction: the mothers. They’ve scrambled for tutors and sought out child psychiatrists, shoring up their struggling student long before the first bong hit.

Their story is my story. We’ve kissed boo boos, band-aided skinned knees and confronted bullies, these mothers and I. But we were powerless over this insatiable intruder. As my son sank deeper into a black hole, I retreated into shame and secrecy, hiding my truth in closed-door therapy sessions.

I found solace when, one by one, women like me stepped from the shadows, acknowledging their own private pain. Forming an underground support group, codename, The Book Club, we mothered addiction, together.

This hybrid memoir braids expert advice with the collective stories of The Book Club, inviting the reader into a rare sisterhood of informed support. With humor and humility, these women strengthen their bonds, as they navigate the knife-edged paradox of loving while letting go.

Virginia Collegiate Recovery Conference

The first Virginia Collegiate Recovery Conference was held in March 2014 at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) in Richmond, VA.  VCU launched a student-run recovery program, Rams in Recovery, in the fall of 2013.  The University of Virginia started a similar program back in 2006.

Students and administrators from other colleges and universities across the Commonwealth are working hard to establish their own supportive and confidential recovery programs. The conference was an amazing opportunity to connect young people in recovery and exchange ideas about how to create safe environments for these young people on their own campuses.

The event was supported by grants from The JHW Foundation (see January 16, 2013 post)  and The Chris Atwood Foundation.  A tremendous grassroots effort by two budding foundations!