The Wedge

At-risk children can drive a wedge between their parents with the precision of a martial artist… 

When faced with the add-on trials and tribulations of parenting an at-risk child, 
the most intact marriages can creak and moan under the pressure.  
Marriages that are already coming unravelled may often dissolve. 

The wedge is driven deeper over time to include relationships between
parents of the at-risk child and their family and friends… and on and on ….  
This wedge can also take the form of gradual isolation. 

Isolation and secrets – Secrets and Half Truths, January 26, 2013 post.  
  

In 2 New Normals, my December 5, 2012 post, I mentioned one of my favorite, spot-on, thought-provoking, reference books, The Price of Privilege, 
by Madeline Levine, Ph.D.  
It speaks to so many current cultural issues of parenting.  
Levine elaborates upon so many of my experiences while co-parenting an addict.

Conflicts are not only with the child but with the parents themselves.

Levine says, “We all start out hoping to be terrific parents, and then any one 
of a number of things get in our way: a temperamental child, a difficult spouse, our own history, a demanding job, the community we live in.”

Psychologists and psychiatrists agree to – 
“a lack of firm limit-setting as one of the major contributors to adolescent
dysfunction”.

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to squeeze it back in.

“It’s easier on both parents and kids when parents have developed a general discipline strategy, one that is clear, firm and fair and that eliminates endless discussions about what is and isn’t okay in your particular household. 

We will also have moments of absolutely hating our role as “bad cop”, as the parent who is paying attention, setting limits, defining consequences, and in the process, incurring our children’s anger.  
But this is part of the job and the price of parenting; and it is mandatory, 
for our own sanity, to acknowledge how demanding and difficult it can be”.

Skills for parenting an at-risk child do not come naturally to some – 
or most for that matter.  
It takes putting your pride in your pocket and reaching out for help.

Too often, a child suffers while the parents learn.